Full disclosure: As you can probably tell from the title, I did not care for our guide Rocky (name changed for this), so to minimize reliving the day, this narrative was written with assistance from ChatGPT. I did come up with the term “Socratic Toxicity” on my own, though)
Our morning in Strasbourg began at a leisurely pace after sleeping in. Because we’d missed the window for a full breakfast in the dining room, we enjoyed a continental breakfast before meeting our guide, Rocky—who immediately introduced himself with, "Rocky, like from the movie Rocky." After his joke at the trivia contest, Bill found it very funny. Also finding it funny was Mickey (not his real name), one of our group of 7 taking the “Food and Wine Tour of Alsace” for the day. For the remainder of the trip, Mickey called Bill “Rocky.” Also with us were Mickey’s wife Minnie, Celia and Jeremy, with whom we’d traveled in Lucerne, and Margie, whom we’d met the evening before after the trivia contest. Rocky warned us that failing to wear a seat belt on the bus could earn us a fine written in both French and German, a reminder of the region's dual heritage.
 |
| Strasbourg City Hall displays France's motto "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity" |
 |
| I swear that every town we visited was having an outside market |
As we drove into Strasbourg, Rocky explained that the suffix "-bourg" refers to a fortified town, a settlement surrounded by defensive walls. The city's history is one of constant change, as it sits at the crossroads of France and Germany. The region of Alsace, often paired with Lorraine in conversation, has its own unique identity. Rocky noted that the neighboring regions have historically viewed one another with some rivalry, shaped in part by religious differences between Protestant and Catholic communities. Street signs feature both French and Alsatian names.
 |
| Street name in both French (Old Hospital Street) and Alsatian (same?) |
For reasons unknown to our group, Rocky’s communication style was to pepper us with questions about the history and geography of Alsace as if we should have known it. Most of us agreed we spent the day feeling like university students who had not done our assigned reading, and his attitude toward us suggested he shared that belief.
 |
| Temple Neuf, a Lutheran Church. Rocky told us we probably thought it was Jewish, but we were wrong. We learned early we could be wrong without actually responding. Fun! |
As we were beginning our tour, Rocky attempted to show us an overview of the city using the maps we had been given on the ship (we received lovely tote bags with a map and a bottle of water as we left that morning). He was flipping between the two sides of the map, so Minnie offered him hers so he could show both sides at once. He attempted to make a point but was frustrated that the scale of the two sides of the map didn’t match, so he thrust Minnie’s back at her, saying, “This is no good!” That was pretty much the end of Minnie’s interest in the tour.
The River Ill, which now winds peacefully through the city, once served as a defensive moat protecting Strasbourg. Long before the French and Germans contested the area, Celtic tribes lived here, followed by the Romans, who established the settlement of Argentoratum. Rocky mentioned that the name may have related to silver, although its exact origin remains debated. We saw the Fontaine de Janus (Janus Fountain), named for Janus, the two-faced Roman god. It is used to represent Strasbourg’s dual French/German heritage. He commented that many people believe Alsace began with the Romans, but that would be like saying that civilization in the United States began with Europeans, thereby denying the significance of native tribes.
We began our trip with coffee and kugelhopf at La Pain des Fromagers.
 |
| A led us to our first stop. Mickey is in blue, Celia in green/white print. Mickey's wife Minnie is in the jacket pretending she doesn't know him (seriously, we didn't realize they were together until the afternoon) |
 |
| Bill enjoys his coffee |
 |
| Kugelhopf (note the bundt-style pan) |
I annoyed Rocky (not for the last time that day) by being noncommittal about whether I wanted coffee. I agree this is annoying, as he reminded me he cannot order a “maybe,” but I would have liked a moment or two to think before committing. Kugelhopf is a yeasted brioche baked in a fluted mold like a bundt cake. It usually has raisins and sometimes almonds.
Strasbourg's streets still reflect its medieval past. Many are named after the guilds that once occupied them (a common question that day was, “What are the streets named for?” and the correct answer was, “Guilds.” Mickey suggested we shout “Guilds” every few minutes, regardless of whether we’d been asked. Rocky remarked that almost everything we were seeing dated back to the Middle Ages. We were quizzed about the city's role in the Thirty Years' War and the long struggle between Protestant and Catholic Europe. Thankfully, Celia seemed to know many of the answers (Margie called her “our valedictorian”). Celia and Jeremy mentioned later that they didn’t mind A’s style of questioning.
 |
| Maison Kammerzell hotel and restaurant |
Our next stop for food was La Knackerie. Knacks are traditional Alsatian hot dog/sausage, and we sampled pork and chicken sausages served with both sweet mustard and the stronger Alsatian mustard.
 |
| Margie enjoys some knacks |
We passed the Strasbourg Cathedral (Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Strasbourg – not the Notre Dame), which was constructed between 1015 and 1439, over a span of 400 years. Between 1647 and 1874, it was the tallest building in the world. It is constructed from pink sandstone from the nearby Vosges Mountains (that was a question I got right – the region sits between which mountain regions, the Vosges and the Black Forest, which I remembered from our trip to Colmar the day before). One tradition that survives today takes place on November 23, when the French flag is displayed from the cathedral to commemorate Strasbourg's return to France. The cathedral has an unusual restoration rule: if stained-glass windows are destroyed, they are replaced with contemporary artwork rather than replicas. The contrast allows visitors to immediately recognize which sections are modern restorations. Rocky also grilled us on the difference between modern art and contemporary art. Apparently, “Modern Art” refers to art created between the 1860s and 1970s that was more concerned with expression than realism. Contemporary art is a general term referring to art made by artists living and working today.
 |
| Our first view of the Strasbourg Cathedral in the background |
Lunch was at the historic Le Gruber restaurant.
 |
| Le Gruber was our lunch destination |
We had tarte flambée (flammekueche), which is like pizza without tomato sauce. We learned that tarte flambée should remain either savory or sweet—never a combination of the two. We had two options, one with bacon (ham, really) and Emmental cheese (a type of Swiss cheese) and one with added Munster cheese. We were also given a choice of wine (sweet or dry) or beer (white, amber, or wheat). The food itself was very good, although Rocky commented we didn’t eat much as a group.
 |
| Tarte Flambée with Munster cheese (left) and without |
I showed my complete lack of social skills when Rocky asked me to pass him some of the flambée, and I puzzled for a moment looking for a serving piece, then, rather than handing him the entire wooden paddle, I carefully selected an individual piece and handed it to him with my very clean hands (which I had just washed). No one pointed out my faux pas, and it wasn’t until I saw Celia pass the entire paddle later that I realized my mistake. To his credit, Rocky ate his slice without complaining. Mickey found this situation very funny. I didn’t, and it was probably the beginning of my real frustration with the day.
 |
| Dessert was a tarte flambee with apples and schnapps, which the waiter set on fire briefly, as shown here |
As we wandered through the city, we passed Piglet Square, once the location of the meat market. Along the way, Rocky casually corrected a common misconception, explaining that the zodiac sign Cancer originally referred to a shrimp rather than the crab we usually associate with it today.
 |
| Place des Tripiers and the statue of Reinbold Liebenzeller, |
We stopped to sample cheese at Mon Oncle Malker de Munster. The shop was lovely, and the owner gave us a card with a 10% discount for a purchase.
 |
| A directed us all into the cheese shop |
 |
| Mon Oncle Malker de Munster had wonderful cheeses |
Rocky gave us an option at that point to begin our free time or tour the Strasbourg Cathedral. We decided to follow him to the Cathedral. In retrospect, I wish we, like Mickey and Minnie, had chosen to explore on our own.
The inside of the Strasbourg Cathedral was gorgeous. It is made in the traditional Gothic style from red sandstone. There are two rows of huge pillars on each side of the nave, and there are stained glass windows throughout. Rocky asked us what differentiates a Cathedral from a church, and I was excited to respond that a Cathedral seats a bishop. Celia and Margie laughed and reminded me to contain my enthusiasm as we were seated right in front of the altar, and I was a bit loud in my response.
 |
| Gorgeous stained glass windows |
 |
| If the originals are destroyed, they must be replaced with contemporary art. I couldn't tell the difference; they were all stunning. |
A few minutes later, Rocky walked us over to the cathedral’s famous Astronomical clock, which dates back to 1843. It includes a perpetual calendar, shows planetary positions, and features moving figures that change each hour to symbolize the stages of life. The hour begins with a child figure. As each 15-minute interval passes, the figure is replaced with a youth, then an adult, then finally an old man. As the hour chimes, the old man is replaced by the child again, and the cycle renews. We were there right before 1 pm, so we waited a few minutes to witness the clock chime the hour and to see the old man replaced by the child.
 |
| The astronomical clock |
 |
| The old man exits on the left; the child enters on the right It looks a little like Star Wars from this angle |
After the (reasonably loud) chimes, we walked away. Rocky asked whether Alsace belonged to France or Germany at some point. I answered in my not-very-quiet voice, and he then spent more than a minute chastising me for being loud while people were trying to pray. Thankfully, that was the end of the cathedral tour, and we were set free to explore. I was very upset about being called out and was grateful that my prescription sunglasses hid my tears.
Bill and I did some shopping, and he gave our change to a young man who appeared to be blind and was singing for donations. We met back up with our group, and Rocky announced that his quiet box (microphone) was out of battery charge and he would not be using it for the remainder of the tour. For the rest of the afternoon, we couldn’t hear his questions, and he was visibly sulking and repeatedly commented that no one was listening to him.
Our next stop was at Le Lautrec for macarons. We were introduced to a huge variety of flavors and allowed to choose. Bill chose a raspberry, and I went with lemon. Both were delicious.
We walked past a statue of Johannes Gutenberg standing next to his printing press. He holds a paper that reads, “Et la lumière fut” (“And there was light”).
 |
| Johannes Gutenberg and his printing press |
Next to his statue is a carousel.
 |
| The carousel next to the statue |
Our next stop was Donatien Maître Éclair for éclairs. They have an incredible assortment of Éclairs from sweet to savory. We were instructed to select one to eat during our wine tasting. Bill chose a tiramisu and I (after taking a long time to decide, which frustrated Rocky immensely) chose raspberry.
 |
| Better than a toy store . . . |
 |
| Trying to choose just one was a challenge |
 |
| Église réformée du Bouclier the site of the first Reformed congregation founded by John Calvin in 1538 (according to Google - Rocky had stopped speaking to us by this point) |
Still working through our sweet options, we visited Pain d’Epices Mireille Oster, a family-owned spice and gingerbread shop (pain d’épices means spiced bread). We were given a sample of gingerbread and challenged to guess the spices it contained. I chose not to participate, as I was still sulking over the cathedral and éclair scolding, but the answers included ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and anise. The spiced bread was fine, but I prefer traditional gingerbread.
 |
| Home of the spiced bread |
 |
| All the spices in our spiced bread |
 |
| A wall filled with (French) gingerbread! |
Our final stop of the day was a wine tasting at Un Cantalou à Strasbourg. Our sommelier was very engaging and informative.
 |
| Our wine-tasting spot |
Mickey asked me why I was so quiet suddenly, which made me feel a bit awkward*, so it was good there would soon be a focus on drinking. We sampled several regional pairings. We began with a pâté and Riesling. The Riesling was wonderful and a specialty of the area, as the grapes are believed to have originated in the Rhine Valley region of western Germany and Alsace. It was less sweet than the Riesling we traditionally get in the U.S. I did not try the pâté.
 |
| Excellent Riesling! |
 |
| Enjoying our Riesling, also Margie bought a new hat! Adorable! |
Next, we had Cantal cheese with a Pinot Noir. The Cantal cheese was excellent, firm and mild, like cheddar, but with more flavor. For this round, I skipped the Pinot Noir, which Bill said was very good.
 |
| The Pinot Noir |
Finally, we sampled Crémant d'Alsace, the region's sparkling wine, with Brie and our éclairs. Our host mentioned that Crémant takes its name from the French word suggesting a creamy texture rather than from a specific village.
 |
| The Crémant d'Alsace was delicious - we bought a bottle to bring home |
 |
| Our éclairs, raspberry and tiramisu, were wonderful with the crément |
As we headed back to our bus, we passed the oldest tree in Strasbourg (a weeping willow, over 30 meters tall, planted around 1667).
 |
| Designated as "A Remarkable Tree" in Europe, the oldest tree in Strasbourg |
We also saw Old Saint Peter’s church, which is famous as a simultaneum, a single church used by both Catholic and Lutheran congregations, another reminder of the region's complex religious history and eventual coexistence. There are two sections of the structure. The Protestant section uses the original medieval nave and tower, built in the 14th century, which had been Catholic until Strasbourg joined the Reformation in 1529, when it became Lutheran. In 1683, after Strasbourg was back under French control, Louis XIV (the Sun King. It’s like a drinking game – if anyone says, “Louis the fourteenth,” everyone shouts, “the Sun King!” Try it, seriously.) ordered that part of the church be returned to the Catholics and that a dividing wall be built. In 1867, an extension was built, where Catholic services are held today. The dividing wall remained closed until 2012, when it was opened, and it has remained open since.
 |
| Old Saint Peter's Church, and yes, there are two Young Saint Peter's Churches, one Lutheran and one Catholic |
By the end of a full day of history, architecture, and Socratic toxicity, I was ready for a quiet evening. I would have skipped dinner, but Bill was wonderfully thoughtful and brought us dinner in our suite so we could appreciate a peaceful night after an unforgettable day.
*Mickey spent the afternoon trying to befriend me by sharing criticism of our guide. I’m fairly certain he was neurodivergent, and it was probably a case of seeking a like mind, but his jokes were saltier than I am comfortable with, and I felt there was a lack of boundaries. Bill noticed my discomfort and tried to insert himself between the guy and me, which I really appreciated.
